A Sabbatical Origin Story

It’s weird saying, “I quit my job.”

Especially since I’d been there for 14 years. It’s also my church. And I dearly love the mission, leaders, staff, culture, and the team I was on.

So why would I leave?

The short answer is I felt God leading me into a sabbatical season defined by the phrase “just be” from the song “Move Your Heart” by Maverick City.

But before I share how that unfolded and how God used that song to wreck me, you’ll need a little piece of context …

I’ve been in full-time church ministry for 20 years and have never been in a role that truly felt like the right fit (what’s “right” could be a post for another day). But it’s always been a tension I’ve been able to manage across various roles.

With that context, the story begins with me having a harder time managing that tension after almost 10 years in the “same” role (with expanded responsibilities over the years).

I began wondering again what am I good at? How has God wired me? What type of work is fulfilling? What am I called to?

After processing it with various people, I knew I was at a crossroads.

So on Easter Sunday, I gave myself more space to sit with God and pray about what I should do.

As I was praying, the Holy Spirit brought this quote to mind:

I believe God made me for a purpose, but he also made me fast! And when I run, I feel his pleasure. –Eric Liddell (from the movie Chariots of Fire)

It was a quote I was familiar with since I had put it on my resume when I applied to Life.Church 14 years ago.

The quote resonated with me at the time because it captured what I was yearning for. I knew God created me with unique skills and talents, and I wanted desperately to use them for Kingdom purposes. By serving God in that way, I believed I’d “feel his pleasure.”

Remembering that season in life just reinforced I was in exactly the same spot now, and I wondered why God brought the quote to my attention.

So I asked.

As soon as I did, the Holy Spirit had me instantly lock into this line of the song that was playing in the background:

When you just be who you were meant to be
His heart is moved

It was the first time I had heard the song, and I knew there was more there.

So after the song ended, I looked up the lyrics. As I was reading through them, I saw a story arch in the song that paralleled the last 20 years for me.

And I was wrecked.

The first part of the song says:

All my ambitions
My hopes, my dreams
And here’s my life, Lord
A sacrifice
Oh, just to bless You
And I just wanna move Your heart
It’s all I wanna do

Prior to starting in full-time church ministry, I worked at a software startup with the goal of learning as much as I could so I could eventually start my own and make a lot of money.

That was my ambition, hope, and dream.

But God challenged those priorities at the time and thankfully my heart got to the point in those lyrics where I was willing to sacrifice those ambitions in favor offering my life to Jesus in whatever way moved His heart.

Which at the time meant quitting my job and doing a full-time, unpaid internship at my church.

The song then transitions into:

Is it a fragrance?
Then I’ll pour my oil out
Is it a life laid down?
Then here I give my vows
Is it a song I sing?
Then here’s every melody

Which I interpreted as if you want me to do this God, I will. If you want me to do that God, I will.

And that’s very much been my mentality in each role the last 20 years. While they haven’t been ideal fits, I was willing to do them and steward them to the best of my ability … as a way to honor God and move His heart.

But it was never enough for me.

It never brought the deep level of satisfaction or fulfillment that I longed for.

My internal dialogue lately was, “God, I just want to feel your pleasure. I know you made me fast. I just don’t know in what way. Just tell me!”

Much the heart cry of the song as it continued.

Tell me what moves You (I wanna know, I wanna know)
…
Tell me what moves You (I gotta know, I gotta know)
…
Tell me what moves You

But then the part of the song that truly wrecked me.

The plot twist.

For the last 20 years, I was striving to figure out what job or role I could do to move God’s heart.

But that’s not what God was wanting.

I hear the Lord say, "It’s you, it’s you, that moves Me
You without the talent
You without the performance
…
You really move Me
…
You blow Me away
…
When you just be who you were meant to be
His heart is moved
His heart is moved by you

Me. Just me.

That’s all God wanted. Me. I’m what moves His heart.

It was like scales were removed from my eyes and a weight lifted from my spirit.

My intention was good, but I had missed the mark.

It was those lyrics, specifically the phrase “just be” that spoke to my spirit about what God was wanting. Through it, I felt a supernatural peace and release from my current role (and I believe an unspoken striving I’ve had trying to find the “right” role).

So I took a step of faith.

And that’s how the journey into this sabbatical season began.

I don’t know what God’s ultimately trying to do but part of it seems revolved around getting a healthier perspective on my identity in Christ. How it’s not tied to what I do, but just who I am.

I do feel like He’s been leading up to this fork in the road over the last two years. Slowly breaking down some walls in my heart, shifting my perspective on things, and making me more open handed.

All potentially preparing me to be able to make this decision.

Anyway, that’s basically how this sabbatical started in a nutshell.

It’ll be all about creating space for God. Just being. Listening. And seeing where we go from there!

Speaking of listening, check out the song if you havent before.

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I write about a hodgepodge of things. Much of it will be what God’s teaching me—hopefully it encourages you too. I also enjoy deep diving into product recommendations, reviews, and other random but useful nuggets.