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Why I’m 30 and Still Single

So, in March I’m turning 30.

Which I guess is a milestone year for a lot of people. It’s got me thinking about a lot of things. Tonight, while I couldn’t sleep (because yet again I drank way too much Coke this late at night), I found myself pondering my singleness.

Over the course of time, my “spouse filter” has slowly dwindled to just two, bare essential requirements.

  1. Spiritually attractive
  2. Physically attractive

The list reminds me of Othello’s tagline: a minute to learn, a lifetime to master. Or in this case, easy to say, a lifetime to find. ;)

This post is really about #1 and why it’s so mission critical to me.

Spiritually Attractive

The main reason is I know life brings with it many trials and tribulations. Inevitably we all face challenges. In a marriage, I’m confident many of those will come from the marriage relationship itself.

What I know about a grounded, Jesus-lovin’ woman is that despite the roller coaster ups and downs, their inward life remains constant and steady.

  • They are internally regulated by their faith in Jesus Christ.
  • They understand the concept of dying to self and being selfless.
  • They are willing to do the God thing which may not always be the easy thing.

This is the type of woman I want to be with. This is the type of woman I know will go the distance through sickness and health. Where I don’t ever have to second guess the integrity of her character or devotion to God.

A woman who will actually put more fear in Satan knowing we’re together than each of us did individually.

Physically Attractive

I guess I’ll touch on this real quickly. Even though it’s secondary to me, it’s still important. ;)

If I don’t look at you and have a strong desire to suck your face, make out on the couch and have some babies along the way then it’s just not going to work…

Just sayin’. ;)

Oh, to Answer the Question

I’m still single because while there are a lot of attractive woman in the world, spiritual attractiveness is much harder to come by. Good looks will only tempt me for a second. ;)

But surprisingly as I approach 30, I’m not worried. I don’t feel rushed. A wife of that caliber is worth waiting for.

People may say my standards are too high. I would agree. They need to be.

Marriage has always been a lifetime commitment for me. It wigs me out why some people spend more time choosing the right big screen TV than they do choosing their spouse.

This is a lifetime decision people! Take it seriously!

It’s a much bigger deal than choosing the best big screen TV. We need to put a lot more thought and prayer into it.

What are your thoughts? Am I crazy? Disagree? Let me know in the comments.

16 replies on “Why I’m 30 and Still Single”

Wow you’ve been updating the blog, keep it up. This is a complicated topic! I feel like I’m going to explain this very wrong but I’ll give it a try.

The biggest problem of marriage is well, you live in America. That’s a big problem! A successful marriage is something similar to a shared burden. A shared burden is really hard to find in a place where you have an excess of everything where the burden doesn’t need to exist. There’s always an escape path. What do I mean by that?

It’s like trying to fast in a cruise ship (assuming nobody is sick and this isn’t in a strange holiday… just a normal stereotypical cruise audience). You decide to not eat for whatever purpose you decide on. As you know, a typical cruise ship = FOOD. As in lots of food. Now let’s say you do manage to fast there.

Now your goal is to also find someone else who’s doing the exact same thing you are. Simple right? Just look for the person on the ship who isn’t eating food. Can’t be that hard to find another person who’s fasting in a boat of 10,000? Right? ;)

It’s much easier to fast in an abandoned deserted desert island where there is no food than it is to fast in a place where food doesn’t exist for 100’s of miles.

Remember, there’s a reason why arranged marriages have a rather low divorce rate. I think that has a lot to do with people’s attitudes towards a “shared burden”.

Either way, what I said about is probably .1% of marriage. There’s also Matthew 19 (specifically verses 10-12). I hope I didn’t confuse you :(

Need to make a correction. Replace
“It’s much easier to fast in an abandoned deserted desert island where there is no food than it is to fast in a place where food doesn’t exist for 100′s of miles. ”

with
“It’s much easier to fast in an abandoned deserted desert island where there is no food than it is to fast in a place where food is in major excess. It’s worse is if food is in major excess and your told this is the last chance you get to eat (in the middle of a fast) before you are dropped on an abandoned deserted desert island.”

Hehe. So basically you’re saying I can increase my odds of finding someone that meets my requirements if I move to a third-world, Christian country where excess is not an issue? ;)

I do agree that marriage is a shared burden that both members need to be willing to carry together.

Kind of. As long as the people of the country believes in the idea of shared burden, the odds are much better.

Than again, If the country is 3rd world because of “everything is about me” well, the odds are good too. Just look for the only one there who isn’t crazy ;)

Just remember, in the Bible (think Genesis), a lot of people married people they didn’t exactly want to marry. They figured out someway to work together. The environment also helped in that decision too ;)

You know in a lot of parts of the country (and the world) being 30 and single is perfectly normal. These same parts of the world are where they judge people for getting married too young and rushing things.

Second thought… As a man you should have no ticking clock when it comes to this. It’s not like your eggs are spoiling. I’m just saying. ;).

It’s not like your eggs are spoiling.

bahahahaha!! that wins easily for funniest thing i’ve heard today. ;)

Nicely put, Pastor Alex.
A spouse of that caliber is definitely worth waiting for. When you meet the woman God has for you, it will blow your mind, and there will be no doubt. As awesome and fulfilling as marriage is, marriage to the right person is the key. Your priorities and standards are right and strong–God will honor that. Can’t wait to see what He has in store for you! :)

that’s a pretty handsome and quality husband you got there in your profile pic. ;)

in hindsight, dating/finding a wife would have been much easier in college. i should’ve taken better advantage of the opportunities that presented themselves. ;)

I believe the season of singleness in our lives is an opportunity for God to prepare us for our future spouse. An opportunity to practice purity, compassion, patience and understanding, forgiveness, and love. Starting with the people most near and dear to us, our families, our friends. If we seek God first, then he will meet the desires of our hearts. Our society places a timeline on “the appropriate age to be married” but God doesn’t work on a timeline. His timing is perfect!! We have to stop writing our own love stories and give God the pen, if we truly put our faith and trust in him he will lead us to our future spouse. As a single Christian woman, here is my advice….embrace this time to become the Man of God that God intended you to be, dive deep into prayer and THE WORD and challenge yourself to be more like Christ. Christian woman are looking for a man who take on the characteristics of our heavenly husband. It is a challenge for us all, but with God in control he will lead you where you need to be and who you need to be with!

Pastor, – am SO with you on this and it’s the same reason I’m more than 30 and still single. One of my constant prayers for my marriage is that both of us will always love God more deeply and passionately than we love each other and that our devotion to the Lord would always come first in our lives – yes, before each other and before our children or anyone/anything else. Thanks for this post – AWESOME!

I think you know my thoughts on this topic rather well. I think Christians in general are in an all fire hurry to get hitched. They get caught up in all the wrong things: the newness, the passion, the attraction etc. I’m a wait and watch kind of person. When you are marrying for the first time in your early 20s… You don’t even know yourself yet. You and I have an advantage. I believe when you meet the right person and decide to get married, you will start off with a strong marriage. Something I’ve learned along the way that rings true to me here is that although a person maybe Asian… It doesn’t make them Alex Tran. You my friend are worth knowing, and God has someone perfectly designed for you, so keep your eyes on Him and you’ll find yourself exactly where you’re supposed to be and exactly who you are supposed to be with.

wow. that is quite possible the wisest lesson i’ve ever heard. “although a person may be asian, it doesn’t make them alex tran.” ;)

‘ppreciate it man!

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